Hubby has told me more than once he feels he's not ready for kids. I can understand that. It's an awesome responsibility to have children. Recently he's been saying he doesn't want kids at all. But he plays these little games with me, we don't use "birth control" he makes a point of pulling out so that I don't get pregnant. Sometimes he will stay inside, but usually when he figures its safe. I think he does it to mess with my head, because he knows how badly I want a baby. And I get very frustrated with all of this.
But since I started my new job, I have met someone. He's sweet, sincere, family oriented, and looking for someone like me to share his life with, to start a family with. And I have to admit, i'm tempted to explore the possibility. I want a baby so bad, but I really don't want to leave my husband just to get one. And there are no guarantees. What if I leave my husband, and start a relationship with this guy (i'll call him j.) and j. is no better? What if he's lying through his ass just to see if he can say enough magic words to get me into bed? J. has never out right said he wants me, but its everyday implied with the way he looks at me with desire, the way he dances around finding a girl like me to date. God i'm so confused and mixed up right now.
I have talked to hubby about how badly I want a baby, and pointed out that we are in a good financial position to have one. And that being a parent isn't all bad. It's not like were newlyweds or anything. We have had the lst 6 years together. And if he still wants to travel, well his mom and my mom have both offered to "babysit" anytime. I just wish there was someway I could reach him, to understand what he thinks about parenthood.
I would really like to see if anyone has any insight or advice for me. I realize this community is about people who are divorced and are trying to get back on track. But most of the other communities I checked out are "teen-aged" oriented and I really need advice from someone who's been there.