Ga Muddin Gurl (gamuddingurl) wrote in broken_vows,
Ga Muddin Gurl
gamuddingurl
broken_vows

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Help...please....anyone....

Well hello everyone!

My name is Lindsay. I am 20 years old. I have a daughter who’s 18 months old. She’s the light of my life. When I was 18 I met a guy at work. We feel madly in love and everything was pure bliss. Nothing ever went wrong we had the perfect relationship. We laughed we loved and most of all we never fought. We decided to have a baby. So…9 months later, we had a little girl whom we named Emma. His parents took us and 10 other people to Vegas and we got married. After she was born things went down hill and they were moving fast. We fought over anything and everything. Little or big, it didn’t matter. So we decided to take a break I went to stay with my mom for a while. We talked daily and we came to a means of we were going to try to work things out. So I moved back in to the house. Things were fine for about a month and again things went down hill. Then he stayed yelling and cussing at me and throwing things. I couldn’t stand it so we split again. He went to work one day and I went to the house and moved out my stuff. I know that was the wrong thing to do but it was the best thing to do at the time. So I moved in with my mom and he moved in with his. We were split up for about 3 months, and I found out what I was missing. I went to him and told him I wanted to work things out. One say I was at his moms house and I saw a cell phone and I picked it up and was looking through it. I saw my name in it and I asked him who’s phone it was and he said it was his. I went to the end of the list and there was a girls name, Bethany, so I asked him about it and he said they were just friends and he just met her and nothing happened. So I told him I was going to call her for myself to find out if it was true or not. I called and she said she knew about me and that she and tim were friends, nothing more. I took it for what it was worth. Then later that night I got a call from Bethanys boyfriend. He was telling me that tim (oh yea tim’s my husband) wouldn’t leave her alone and he wanted me to talk to tim. He said that tim was at her work all the time, and he told me where she worked. So later that night I went to where she worked and low and behold his car was there. I went in and tim saw me. His eyes were the size of a dinner plate. I was hurt, I have never been hurt that bad in my life. I thought I was either going to run him over with my car or kill him. Both may have done the job. We talked and I took his word that nothing happened. We went from there and tried to work things out yet again. He said all ties were broken with her, and they were. So we kept trying on out marriage. Things didn’t get better they only got worse. So we split again and I went to file for divorce. He didn’t want the divorce he said I was giving up on something that could be changed. I didn’t care at the time. I just wanted out and I wanted it right then and there. We talked as friends but nothing more on a daily basis and we were fine. I talked him into joinging the military. I had been thinking really hard of what I wanted for the rest of my life. I wanted to be with the man I loved. I called and he was acting funny, so I told him that we needed to talk about our future, he said he wasn’t able to talk, so I knew something was up. I hung up the phone and he called me back. He told me he had met a girl from the internet and they were talking. Just as friends and nothing more. So yet again I took it for what it was worth. A couple of days later I got a phone call and it was this other girl, her name is amber. She said that tim was lieing that they had been together for a long time and the had sex and a bunch of other stuff. I confronted him about it and he tried to lie, he finally said yes I did have sex with her but once and it was just comforct sex. I said ok, we are going to let the past be the past. We went from there. We tried to start over, so tim left for the army. One night I got on-line and someone sent me a message and said they were amber, she said that Tim was talking to her until the day he left. I was so mad I didn’t know what to do. I haven’t been able to talk to him since amber and I spoke. So in a nut shell he’s still talking to her and I have no idea what to do. I need help. I love him, I don’t understand. If anyone ca give me advise PLEASE do so. Thanks…..

* Lindsay *

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  • 11 comments
Leave his ass now. It only gets worse when in the military. Why put you and your daughter though all that. At least now with him being in the military he will have to give you an ID card for your daughter to get dr/hospital ben. Don't give in.. be strong. He's not worth your pain or your daughters.
But i feel that i love him still....
That feeling will pass in time. Sometimes folks mistake that feeling and all it really is ... Is the fear of change. Let the fear pass along with his hold on you. Then look back over your shoulder and smile!
I am going through a divorce now... same kind of thing.. and when I look back there were so many signs.. I've been finding out how she had been cheating on me all trough the marriage.. IM's to supposed friends about how much she loves them and ending with "oh shit, John's home, I'll talk to you later" and stuff like that... I was suspicious anough about her lies to leave a tape recorder running under the bed a couple nights.. I caught her talking to this guy about all the places they "did it" and the next day laying in bed with our 3 year old daughter yelling at her to shut up and stuff while she was on the phone begging this guy for sex.. apparently he's just one in a long list. I fooled myself for far too long when she would tell me she loved me and stuff.. yeah, my heart still gets twisted but I have come to realize that what I love was not her... it was just some image in my own head.. I was in love with a fantasy.. she was a mooching lying cheating whore not who she pretended to me to be. What I love so much is not really her.. It sounds like he is the same way.. don't string it out as long as I did.. it only hurts more... If you want to talk feel free... there are times I really need to talk about it all too. e-mail pumpkin_king76@yahoo.com
-John
John Very Well Put! gamuddingurl - Now listen with your ears not your heart! Sometimes the heart is blind, think of your daughter. Do you want her to think mom can be treated like shit so this is how all woman should always be treated? You are teaching her at this very moment.
I have been married for 4 years and everything you have just said sounds like my life.... I can't over you advice because I am sorting things out on my own end but I do agree with the person above that said - how you sometimes misrepresent love for the fear of change. I love my husband but I have realized I am not "in love" with him but I have stayed with him after everything he has done because of the fear of change....
If you ever need to talk, you can friend me or email me anytime.
Talking about it helps the soul....
i can appreciate how hard this must be for you *hugs*
but from the sound of things you might be better off just filing for the divorce. if he loved and respected you he would not be playing games with other women. he would work on being committed to you and the marriage.
this is only my opinion though. i don't know the whole story, so its hard to tell someone what to do. take your time in making your decision, follow your heart.
Reading this sorry it was you who started the ball running leaving etc what did you expect Tim to do hang around and wait for you for ever. My ex-wife commited adultery on me and left me with our three kids aged then a girl 11,two boys aged 7 and 6. I have the custordy of our three children. I will not rest until I get revenge on these two bastards not for me but my kids I will make them suffer that I swear. One day he will be walking and I will be waiting the army taught me how to deal with my enemies in a good way I will knock the shit out of him thats for sure. I was sent to prison for things I havent done,left with three kids, left with 70pence approx $1.00 US, suffered an emotional breakdown the world experts cops judges etc tell me its wrong for revenge I dont think so in my book revenge is sweet. Oh she married him last week if I had of know I would of sent a bucket of shit to keep the flys of the bride. I was with this fucking bitch for 15 years she robbed me from day one. When we got divorced she did not get a penny from me or anything at all. If the Courts had of ordered it I would not of complied with the order. The hate and bitterness will never go away. To finnish with I intend to out live her naturaly when they put her into the ground this is what will happen. 1) I will walk up to the hole if any one gets in the way I will simply knock thier head in two take out my dick and fucking piss all over her and dance with joy at her death. You deserve all you get.
that is way rude. but i guess the saying goes opinions are like assholes everyone has one including me op it works out for you
I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. All I can say is that I understand completely. My husband left me for my best friend after 7 years of us being together. I am 20 and we have a son who will be 2 yrs in July. Obviously there is alot more to my story, but that's the jist of it. If you need anyone to talk to, if you need to bitch/cry/whine/whatever, feel free to add me to your friends list or email me at smp91384@yahoo.com And by the way, if Tim's livejournal name is pilot_scuba, go to his livejournal info and take a look at his friends list, especially the ones near the bottom, that may clarify a few things for you.
Also, even though he may be hurting, don't take him back. This is a pattern of behavior that he has already established and will continue to follow through with. Everytime he cheats it will get easier and easier and he will feel less and less guilty about it, until eventually he will make up reasons to justify it and blame you for his infidelity--don't fall into that. Ask yourself two questions:
1. Would/Could I do this to him?
2. Do I deserve to spend my life with someone who treats me this way or hurts me continuously and knows it?

I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he loved you and cared for you he would not be able to live with himself hurting you this way. Keep in mind, everybody who gets caught cheating makes excuses. If you fall into the self-destructive pattern of allowing him to tear you apart continuously the way he is now, it will become easier and easier to let him get away with it and you'll end up wasting years of your life on someone who doesn't love or respect or care for you but sees you as his property. Take it from someone who knows first hand.