gaiman_phile (gaiman_phile) wrote in broken_vows,
gaiman_phile
gaiman_phile
broken_vows

Needing some serious advice here, people!

Ok, here's the whole situation: Eric and I met 5 years ago during a tornado threat. We'd seen each other around town before, but never worked up the courage to go say hello. We're both shy like that, I guess you could say. Well, one day, we were both down at the local college hanging out with friends, checking e-mails and what-not, when a security guard came in and told us all to go down to the basement floor as there's a tornado threat going on. Ok, fine.

Fastforward a few months, Eric and I get married. Everything's fine up until about 18 months into the marriage, when things start getting a bit hairy. We fight a lot, and I start to think he's cheating on me. I had a LOT of issues with trust back then, and it really got to us both. Eric figured, "Well, she's accusing me of this, why not, what have I got to lose?!" Well, ok, fine. I respect that. I found all that out today, btw.

Fastforward the night I found out about his cheating, I confront him, he ends up sleeping on the couch, me in our bed. I move out, and we don't speak for 3 1/2 years. I, for the first year, hated him. HATED him. After a year of being mad and hurt and angry, I got past that and decided to forgive and forget. Damn hard to do, I assure you!

Anyway, I walked over to see my friends today, and lo and behold, Eric got brought up. I walked over to see him, and we sat there for 3 hours talking. I asked him, partially for my own morbid curiosity, really, and partially for closure, what went wrong? I know my side of things, why I left. I wanted to know why he did what he did. When he told me that it was b/c I'd been accusing him of cheating, that's the ONLY reason he'd done it, and he is sorry, I told him that I understood, and I've since worked on my trust issues.

We even talked about reconciling our differences. We're supposed to get together tomorrow and go to the library together, and then after that, we're not sure what's going to happen, what we're going to do or whatever. We've established that we do still have feelings for the other person, and that the 3 1/2 years we were apart, we've grown up a lot. We agreed that when we got married, we weren't really ready for that, at that time, and so now we're going to take things very slowly.

I asked him how he would feel about us getting back together. I had and still have no problem with it, but if he didn't want to, then that's fine, could we at least still be friends? He said from an emotional standpoint, that it would be better if we tried to work things out. Hell, we sat there for 3 hours talking and sharing our emotions with each other, and just trying to figure things out. I agreed with him, and we both agreed that from the financial end, it would be better to try to resolve things, rather than try to get the money together to get divorced. HA HA I asked him, "Have you ever wondered why it's so cheap to get married, and why it's so bleedin' expensive to get divorced?" And then I asked him, "Have you ever heard the saying, "It's cheaper to keep her?" We had a good giggle over that one, and agreed on this: We're going to talk about this more tomorrow, he's going to call me at around noon or so.

I know to take things at a very slow pace, and I know that it's going to take a lot of work at both our ends, but still, we're going to see what happens. Play things by ear. Ironically enough, Tuesday was our 5th anniversary. heh.

Now my question is this: We have forgiven and gotten past things that have driven us apart. Am I wrong in wanting to get back together with him? I mean, my feelings for him haven't changed, and I do still love him very much. Yes, I have dated here and there since we split up 3 1/2 years ago, but still. . .I am just trying to do the right thing by myself, him, and in the eyes of God.

Help!
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Take things slowly. I'd also suggest maybe reading the book called The Five Love Languages.

Good luck and I hope things work out.
Thank you! I have a copy of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES OF CHILDREN, but not the one for grown-ups.