Alan (waya3k) wrote in broken_vows,

Online Affair

Greetings all,

My name is Alan and my wife and I are currently going through a divorce. It's been a very difficult time for me. She basically left me. We have been married for over 8 years. About a year ago she started playing an online game and started talking to these guys online. I could tell that she was slowly getting more and more emotionally distant. I was at a loss at what to do. I tried to be supportive in anyway that I could think of. getting her flowers, date nights, etc. None of it really seem to do anything.

She finally met this guy in Amsterdam. The full story of that is here. Anyways, that experience broke a lot of trust I had with my wife and also showed me that she was putting this guy ahead of me and our marriage. I started having doubts about our marriage. We started seeing a marriage counselor but it was too late.

The thing that really bothers me that while I was completely emotionally honest while going to the marriage counselor. I wasn;t sure if the trust could be repaired and wasn't sure if I was still in love with my wife. Meanwhile she is saying how much she still loves me and all this. We finally decided that the counseling wasn't working and to get a divorce. Now she is admitting that she had emotionally left me months before we sought conseling. That she had given up on the marriage.

We have one daughter. She is 7 years old. She is very precious to me. Lately my wife has been spending very little time with me or our daughter. She now has an online boyfriend in California and we are here in Saint Louis, MO. The funny thing (well not really funny but I got to laff at something) is that he is living with his parent's, is 6 years younger then her, and is unemployed.

I have been going through bouts of anger, grief, and jealousy. I know it's over, but it still enrages me when she calls him from our house. She still hasn't moved out yet. Basically we are going through divorce mediation. I am getting the house and also majority custody of our daughter. My wife didn;t even spend anytime with our daugher on Easter and basically left for most of the weekend to go to a friend's house.

I'm just trying to heal and move on with my life for my daughter. It hurts a lot. Espicially the betrayal that I feel. Anyways...that's what I'm going through right now. My journal tends to talk a lot about what is going on with our divorce. It's so central to my life right now. I know one day it will be behind me but for now it feels like it will never end nor will the pain.
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