4everxinxtears (4everxinxtears) wrote in broken_vows,

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let it burn

well..hmm how to intoduce myself...this is hard for me..so please bare with me. My name is heather..most everyone calls me Kitty. I am 17, and i got married when i was 14..had been with him since i was 12. He was my world, nad i wrapped myself in him. I pushed away all my friends..even my family at times. Our first year was bliss....then he got controling and abusive...psyhically and mentally both. But still, i loved him and was determined to make it work. I kept telling myself week after week "hes only having a bad week, it will be better next week" Most of you may think i am to young for this ot be serious..but it is. very serious. This continued for 4 more years. The abuse, the fights and me constantly crying...every once in a while he would do something sweet, and it would be that much harder to let go, so i jsut held on for dear life.

He cheated on me 7 times he admits to. But still i stayed...you call it stupidity..i call it love. He finally told me he was leaving me, after many rocky fights though the years and many times of him yelling "its over" then coming back in 2 or 3 hours..i didnt take him to seriously. I waited a week and he finally came home. I hadnt slept in 6 days, other then 20 or 30min naps due to dozing off, i had stopped eating and was rahter sick. As soon as he walked in i hugged him and he hugged back, so for a split second i thought it was going to be ok...then he pushed me back and goes "im glad your alright, but things still wont work between us" well i had realized he was serious...and he was leaving me...i asked who she was..and he told me there was no one..that he still loved me, so he wouldnt be with anyone for a very long time. come to find out he had been with her for 3 months before he even told me it was over.

She was much more pretty then I, had a job, better eduction, and a car..all things that were important to him. He told me it was over the end of may, and after sleepless nights, many screaming matches..MANY tears...and depression i got served divorce papers in Aug....he was giving me everythin just to "get the hell away from me" now i KNOW i wasnt a saint..did my fair share of name calling, defied him many times, didnt always keep the house the best, never had a job etc...but i didnt think i deserved this....

well i signed and it was over...for him anyways he was "free", i was now trapped in deep depression. I tried to kill myself 3 times...and to this day i stay depressed. i still love him, and im not sure how to let go..i hold on to "maybe somedya he will come back".he was my first EVERYTHING, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love..my first sexual partner....well here i am...almost the end of may, and i still pine for him, and cry...i saw him and his new girl(the one he left me for) recently...and it hurt soooooo bad. I cried for days and couldnt explain to my new boy wut was wrong...well this is my story..sorry it was so long....
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